imnotevilimjustwrittenthatway:
Loud vocal anger is *not* a valid response to someone who has a neurological problem with pronouns being unable to use the correct ones consistently.
It is not ok to punish someone for being disabled.
Uh, sorry, no?
If someone can’t use either my name or the correct pronouns (there are multiple ones I’d accept) then yeah, I’m gonna be mad if they ever refer to me in a misgendering way. I don’t really care if some random internet stranger has declared my anger at being misgendered by anyone, for any reason, to be invalid.
And maybe that’s one of those situations where it’s not really any one person’s fault or responsibility to change but that they just need to avoid one another, but still, I’m not gonna shut up about or put up with being hurt just because someone ‘can’t help it’.
Ughhhh. The problem with the OP here is something I keep seeing in certain autistic communities, as if other people’s justified anger is a punishment toward them.
Misgendering someone is a terrible thing that causes a lot of harm and pain for the person being misgendered, whether or not you “meant” it. Trying to preemptively invalidate their anger is even worse. And do I even need to point out that trans people with neuro and communication disabilities exist? Like, we’re not talking about mutually exclusive categories?
“I’m justifiably angry that you misgendered me”=/=“I’m punishing you for being disabled”. That is a pretty big false equivalence.
And can I also point out that this is not something that only happens online? I speak from experience when I say that if six months of “you need to stop saying this” isn’t good enough, then you need to NOT be a part of that social group because you’re causing too much harm to the people in it.
Honestly if using the correct pronouns for people isn’t possible for you then you need to recognize that you’re a danger to trans and genderqueer people, and keep yourself away from them. Invalidating people’s anger when you’ve just harmed them is just gross and not okay.
This and I am 1000% done with every abled person using neurodivergent people to argue against non-traditional pronouns as well. I’m an autistic person who can use neopronouns for others if asked, just tell me how to conjugate and pronounce them if it’s not immediately obvious. Not to mention this whole thing smacks of “but it’s sooo hard to not misgender people” as part of general trans-hate mental gymnastics.
Yepppppp.
And I don’t know if there really are any neurodivergences that actually do make switching pronouns impossible (I have my doubts) I’ve seen a few dozen posts like this about autistic cis people switching pronouns and they were all ableist pieces of shit.
These posts need to stop
- ignoring that, even if they have genuine difficulty, their difficulty is likely very rooted in cissexism and it’s on them to fix that shit.
- treating us neurodivergent people as if we are so much less competent than neurotypical people. Ableist garbage.
- acting as if any genuine difficulty means it hurts any less.
- treating neurodivergent trans people like they don’t exist.
- preemptively excusing this behavior so that any neurodivergent person will have an excuse. Don’t think they won’t reach for it.
er…yeah there’s no reason I’d have more problem with pronouns than any other word/structure and there’s deffinitly no reason I’d have less problems with cis people’s pronouns or be more likely to call someone the pronoun more associated with their assigned gender over any other wrong pronoun because of language difficulties.
99% of the time if I misgender someone I’ve just fucked up not as a result of any language problems and should apologise and correct myself
there’s general word-salad stuff particularly mixing up two different words in a sentence which could be two different peoples pronouns, mispronouncing pronouns that could make them sound like other ones (lots of pronouns have the x/s/z sound which hard for me and lots of other people) or just flat out using the wrong word (though kind of suspicious based on what the wrong word ‘happens’ to be) which could all be the result of language stuff…
and I should still apologise and correct myself cause there’s nothing stopping me doing that (providing I can say the word at all – there are some words I cannot say correctly, auxilary pronouns are still a good idea)
but yeah no time for ‘I have whatever language problem so that means I must refer to everyone with pronouns based on the gender they were assigned at birth’ people and there is no reason you cannot correct yourself and/or apologise whatever reason you make the mistake – do it for every other bit of language I get wrong due to dyslexia and stuff why would pronouns be different?
fearlessstateofmind backup 